see ya 2020

 This has been one hell of a year! Didn`t think it would end this way. My entire household has contracted covid and it's no joke. It has hit us all differently but I am thankful that we all are home together and not in the hospital. I have been blessed during this year I guess in the way that it was not a super bad one for me. I got to do something I had not had a chance to do. I also had come to some hard truths about my life. I gave up on school for the moment. I am working to be present in my accomplishments. I have three degrees to my name and while I am proud of that I am also finding myself to be lacking.  I work a retail job and am not even in a field of work that has anything to do with my form of study. 2020 has been leaving me asking myself why instead of is this the right path. I have spent much of 2020 in self-reflection and questioning each step I have taken that has brought me to this point. pretty sure it will be a whole new year and one more step close to another year older for myself.  As I lay in bed this morning I realized that I have been doing a lot of asking why but I need to do something different. I have been pushing myself to into completing a master`s program. I have thought it was my dream for so long and now I am questioning it. I need to reevaluate so much of what I thought I wanted out of life and my relationships. Unlike many this year has not been completely unkind to me. This year just like every year it was full of many ups and lows. It has just seemed like one for the books just due to the pandameic. For 2021 I have no real new year goals. My plan is to work on my manifestation of good things in my life and truly looking for the silverlings. Even if I have to make my own. I have many things to be proud of.  This year I when I find myself asking why?  I will take myself out of the situation and look at it.  Maybe  I won't get my master's at this time. I need to figure out what my plan is. This year my pain is to take life as it comes as well as make goals that are short term and some long term ones too. This is my year to be proud of myself and how far I have come and who I am becoming along the way. Yet this year my plan is to be more mindful for my health mental and physical. At this moment I have worked at a job longer than anyone  I have ever had. Is this the career I would have chosen for myself? no this is not but I have been making the best of it.  This year has really been a year in perspective.  Here is to a new year and what it will bring. May we all be stronger for making it through 2020.